..Like a Baby's Name

"M-E-G-G-I-E".
"Yes, Maggie, but with an "e" instead".
"Ah.. Meeggie.. sounds like Mickey.."
The drama over my name for as long as i can remember. The drama, confusion, intrigue, curiosity... simple astonishment sometimes.. "mmmm, tayyeb why?".
Well, let's just say my parents were big fans of a certain movie during the time i was conceived, Thorn Birds, to be precise.. and the heroine of this twisted somewhat disturbing love story went by the name.. you guessed it.. Meggie.
I have grown to love my name, and the different variations of it. I am daddy's Megmoug, and mommy's Megmougo, and my brother's modernized Megz. And of course..  i love being my other half's simple.. Meg.
I am someone who loves names. I take great interest in a person's name. Less than three weeks into the semester, students are amazed at how i call them out one by one, by name... over ninety in total.
I will not lie to you and say that it's a piece of cake memorizing ninety names, i make conscious effort associating each name to each face.. but i enjoy it. It makes things personal.. and that makes everything much easier, whether teaching, learning, or most importantly, respecting.
I have made some very special new friends over the past two months. I have come across a wonderful little family that has embraced me and made me part of it since day one. My new friend, a loving wife and mother, has served like a big sister to me.. gentle, wise, and caring, she has opened my eyes to the world in a whole different way.. and her children.. her children have just reminded me again and again how i long to have little angels of my own sometime soon.
They have filled up my heart.
Over coffee the other day, my new friend and I were discussing the big arrival of her new baby girl. To the world's great fortune, besides the two little angels that she has already put on earth, she is expecting a third one. A third little baby girl.
"I have changed my mind about the name though"
"Ah really?" i sighed with disappointment, "but i already told everyone, and i can picture her with that name. It's perfect"
"I am still sticking with the letter M, like my other two children. But i have decided to name her.. Meggie.. instead."
....
To explain to you what i felt in that exact moment in time, will just bring tears to my eyes. Hearing that name on the lips of an expecting mother, intended for a little angel that i have not met yet, made me want to jump out of my seat and hug her right away.. but i didn't.. i wanted to.. but somehow.. i couldn't.. and now i regret it.
Instead, i felt glued to my seat, breathless.. and in complete and total shock.. the blissful type..
In one word, i felt.. honored. But wondered.. if i even deserved this.. and then, i somehow felt responsible.. Will this baby be as obsessive as me? Will she ruminate over little things and be over-sensitive? Oh no.. will she be bad at mathematics and still count on her fingers at the age of 26?? Will she crave red licorice and everything sweet and spend her childhood at the dentist's clinic.. root canal after root canal.. Oh.. the responsibilities! What if she adopts all my flaws.. i don't want to imagine.
For what it's worth, i just hope she'll love sunflowers.
Although i have been engaged for almost a year, and i will be married in almost another one, i had decided on the names of my future baby angels since i was in high school.. and no, i will not share them here with you, in fear that you will steal them and get to it before me.. But i will share with you that according to the experts, one of them will be "delicate, pure, romantic, and gentle", the other will be "easing-going, fun, and daring".. Ironically, these two names, years later, just happen to describe the different personalities of myself and their future dad.
I never understood the importance of naming a baby after someone before today. I would question this tradition of ours, where we name babies after their grandfathers or after their fathers.. but today, i have discovered that it is truly a remarkable feeling.
It is such a powerful feeling, that it glues you to your chair and leaves you speechless.
It paints a bond between this special angel that you have yet to meet and yourself, and it fills you up with love. Nothing but love.
And i am consumed by it right now.. as i await little Meggie's arrival..
For that day will truly be special.. and the world will hold.. a little more sunshine.. a little more softness.. and a whole lot more love.. 

..Like an Enveloping-Kind-of-Love

While walking around just yesterday, i realized that i have been writing this blog for a little over a month.. and yet, i still haven't introduced you to my first love-at-first-sight. I have mentioned him, yes, i remember, but still.. the simple mentioning doesn't give him justice. You see, this boy, does more than light up my life.. he gives meaning to every little thing that i do. He is a very important element in making me the Meg that you know today. And i believe it is time that you get properly acquainted.
Karim entered my life in September 2006. I had heard so much about him from my best friend, from the way he sits like a little Buddha, to the way his big eyes sparkle.. but all his stories did not prepare me to what i felt the instant i saw him. He was sitting in his playroom on the white spongy floor, flipping quickly through the pages of some book. Standing watching him, i remember feeling nervous, scared.. and naive. This tiny little boy, with the soft cascading brown hair frightened me.
At the time i was embarrassed to admit to this feeling, but 5 years later, i have learned and grown so much because of this boy, that admitting this to you all feels as natural as admitting to my car-crazed fiancé that i still don't know how to change a flat tire.
People who know me well, know that i am someone who likes to have control. Not the kind of control over people, not the bossy type, but to be in control of what i am doing. I like to be prepared, informed, and perfectly à la hauteur at what i do. And this boy, well.. threw my structure, my books, and my research, out the window the second i saw him. I felt unveiled and bare, and completely and utterly lost.
As i watched him, flipping through the thin pages, i wondered if he would like me. Five minutes later, he walks out, and, upon noticing this strange girl in his space, looks straight at me.
He's looking at me! I remember silently thinking to myself, that must be a good sign!
My role in this child's life was to teach him, something i have always loved to do.. teach. But over the years, Karim has taught me much much more than i have ever taught an entire university classroom.

He has taught me patience, a virtue that i had never really owned prior to him.
He has taught me friendship. I cannot lie, Karim has turned his back at me many times, when i truly longed to reach out for him. But at the end of the day, all friends sometimes need their own space. And once i learned to respect that, not once has he abandoned me. He is always one bounce away to include me in his game once again.
He has taught me perseverance. I have always wanted to do things perfectly well, but when i fail at something, or fail to master it, i quickly give up... This boy, astonishes me every day with his fueled perseverance and effort to impress me, show me, prove to me, that he can do and say everything that he so cleverly knows i, as others, so badly want to instill in him.
He has taught me to pause. Pause, and realize how many things i have and still take for granted each and every day.. Like just how strong the sun can shine sometimes, and just how loud the music can resonate sometimes, and just how harsh the wind can slap my skin sometimes.. Little things that i am immune to, but that he silently suffers much more times that not.
And finally, he has taught me love. Unconditional love. The kind of love that envelops you and keeps you warm through the coldest days and the loneliest hours. With him, i am never lonely. And i hope he feels the same way.

Karim will be turning ten in two weeks time. He is the most handsome boy in the entire world, i tell him everyday. He is the bravest, most inspiring student i have come to know, i remind him everyday.
He loves basketball and marshmallows.
He can ride a bicycle, he can rollerblade, and he is super fast on his scooter.
He swims like a fish, and wouldn't mind a bit to spend an entire day in the pool.
He enjoys watching dvds while comfortably snuggled in his beanbag.. his favorite DVD right now seems to be Scooby Doo.
He is and will always be my first love.
He has autism, and he speaks to me everyday.
Thank you Karim, for making me a part of your life.

April is Autism Awareness Month. If you are lucky enough, one of these exceptionally special children will teach you all that i know now, and will surround you with their enveloping-kind-of-love. I am lucky, and i know it.